In Memory of Sam

Safe in the Arms of Jesus - a sketch by Alice

I feel that I have a secret.  Many people actually know it, but no one talks about it.  Some people ask about it and I'm grateful for them because I need to talk about it...I need to remember the baby we lost.

We found out over Thanksgiving, on my birthday to be precise.  I was almost 10 weeks along when we visited the ER in Sioux City on a Saturday and were told by a stranger that my body was ending the pregnancy and it felt the world came crashing down around me.  We had just spent Thanksgiving day revealing the pregnancy to Jerod's family, I was showing and had been for about a month, all of my coworkers knew- what was I supposed to tell them? 

If you have ever been pregnant you know that it doesn't matter how far along you are, as soon as you find out, you start dreaming and making plans and imagining how life will change and who your child will grow to be.  You plan an entire lifetime in the matter of a few weeks, and when you find out you're miscarrying you feel as though a rug has just been ripped out from under your feet.  Sure we never got to hold our baby or see his face, but we loved him from the very moment we knew he existed, and then he died and we lost a child.

In the beginning we tried to focus on all of the "positives".  We focused on the fact that it happened early on in the pregnancy, and that we were able to be with family when we found out.  We focused on it being just 'one of those things' that you have no control over. But the reality of the situation is, no matter how you spin it and try to focus on the so-called up-side of things- it still hurts.  And, besides losing your baby, the worst part is that we're made to feel like it is so wrong to talk about it.  Why do we try to downplay such a tragic event that happens to SO many? 

Tori Amos has had three miscarriages, did you know that?  I didn't.  She did an interview and put it so well: "It's like a thief in the night.  You go in to this emergency room an ecosystem, and you leave barren." 

I know that someday we'll see Sam again, that's what we named the baby by the way.  I believe he or she will be in their baby form to greet us when we leave this Earth.  I just wish that more people discussed this subject so that people who fall victim to it don't feel so alone.  I would never wish this on my worst enemy.  I don't want anyone to be confused either, I am so happy for all our friends who are having successful pregnancies, I pray for every one of them to continue with no problems and can't wait to see their families grow.  We will continue our own prayers and try to look forward to the future, I just want to be sure I don't forget about Sam along the way.

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Almost 18 month photos

So she is actually only about 17 and a half months old, but what with our two snow days and being stuck inside with awesome natural light because of said snow, I decided to take advantage of a rambunctious little lady and try my hand at some cute pics!

Let me tell you- this one is getting more and more difficult to photograph because she is SO quick and mobile!  I had to do some serious tickling, toy staging, and finally just following her wherever she wanted to go in order to get the shots I was looking for, but I feel it was a success.

 The Session

At one point I figured this was the best I was going to get of a head on shot- she is mastering the fake smile even at her young age.

That would be the plastic kiwi she received with the rest of her basket of fruit for Christmas which she refused to put down, ugh!

This was the next point where I felt this was the best shot I would get of her....I think this was photo number 96.

This was my way of getting a true smile from her, by tickling.  see the finger in the middle of her chest?

The Results- 176 photos and 3 hours of editing later

The tickling worked- look at those dimples!

This picture (minus the touch ups and vignetting) was the very last photo I got of her while she was scurrying all over the couch- whew!

I figure out how to black and white the rest of the photo and then enhance the brightness of her eyes so you can really see the blue.  There's that dang kiwi again, but this is probably my favorite random shot just because of those eyes :)

That same last photo, just with some color enhancement.

That camera Jerod bought me just continues to pay itself off with all the savings on professional photography.  It might take me 3 or 4 sessions to get just the right photo, but since we can do it on our own time it's not too big of a deal.  Plus, it's amazing how photo editing software can turn a great picture into an amazing photograph!

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Knocking on the potty training door

We bought a potty chair a while ago and Cailyn loved it, and by that I mean she loved pulling it apart and strewing the pieces around the house.  Then, sorry if this is too much info, we sat her on it a couple times when she gave us the "I'm pooping" face and subsequently decided to become terrified of using the potty chair.

Potty chair seats obviously make gorgeous hats!

 I didn't want to push it because I was afraid she would totally refuse to train, and now, she's showing some interest in it again.

I'll be saving this for use in about 16 years- how great is it with the crazy hair, too?!

 She still has yet to actually potty in it or the toilet (it has a removable seat to set on the big potty), but I'm wondering when other people's babes started potty training and how you started them out.  How do you know they're ready?  Do you just set them on it every hour or two?  Do you look for a tell?  We're not pushing it, I'm just curious how to get her off and running- or rather, sitting and peeing!

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Megan's Wedding (Reception)

Way back in October, Megan, one of my very dear friends from high school, got married to her man, Kris.  The nuptials and reception were back in Sioux City, so we had a built in baby-sitter- SCORE!  Anyway, we didn't attend the ceremony since it was during nap time, but we made it to the reception and it was so beautiful, very romantic and dramatic- just like Megan.  I also got to see my other very dear friend from high school, Nicole and her high school sweetheart Casey.  I can't tell you how great it was to reconnect with these two wonderful women.  It's funny sometimes how so much time can elapse since you've seen a person, but you sort of pick up right where you left off. 

We had a great time, and Jerod really enjoyed Casey's company- he's a pretty whacky guy, but also very genuine (which is what I love about my pal's hubby).  Congratulations Megan and Kris, we wish you all the happiness in the world...which I found out is apparently supposed to end tomorrow, so enjoy it while it lasts!

Meet Casey and Nicole, they met at a block party in the cul-de-sac where their parents live and I like to say they've been together ever since.  Don't they look like they're just infatuated with one another?

 

The happy new couple, Megan and Kris Albertson.  Casey and Nicole insisted on 'photo bombing' them.  I'm apparently an old geezer and had no idea what this meant.  So, they showed me...you can see Casey, but where is Nicole??

Peek-a-boo!

 

Remember how lovey you were on your wedding day?  Yeah, haha, me either.

See what I mean by whacky?!  Jerod retrieved that penant for Casey from a wedding reception that was going on next door!

This was the best he would do for me, and I love it anyway.

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The MOST wonderful time of the year!

So I'm not going to sugar coat it....I LOVE CHRISTMAS!  Which balances out the fact that Jerod really can't stand the Christmas season, or any holiday season for that matter.  I don't think it's because of the holiday itself, more so the traveling and spending of money- so I just ignore his grumblings and do my thang. 


This year I was in a particularly crafty mood and added to my Christmas home decor while also re-purposing some scrap wood and an old kitchen sign (at least for two of the projects).  The other two were a mix of bargains and some creativity. 

We had some wood leftover from cutting drawer fronts in the kitchen and I needed a bright and cheery piece to add to our tiny powder room in the back of the house.  Something that blended with the colors we already had in there.  Plus, I got to use one of my favorite quotes from Buddy the Elf!

I must have seen a bajillion of these types of wreaths on Pinterest over the last couple of months.  It was SO easy to make, and pretty inexpensive since I was able to get a straw wreath and the deco mesh ribbon each for 5 bucks (it took the entire giant roll of deco mesh).  I already had floral wire on hand for pinning and I love it, though it looks weird here I think because the wall looks so minty instead of bamboo-ey like it's supposed to.

While I was stuck at home my mom and sisters were nice enough to nab me some more Christmas trees from the fabric store and at 50% off- which is even better!  I spent $5 on a small roll of quilt batting and like $1.50 on a small string of white lights to hide in between the layers, and added a couple poinsettias and family photos as finishing touches.  I love the way it glows like snow!

This was just an update with some floral picks from Hobby Lobby- I LOVE that place, for again, 50% off each pick.  I purchased some cheapie battery operated lights that I wrapped around the wreath as well, but they were so cheap they died after maybe 2 hours....bummer.

This baby didn't cost me anything because I had everything on hand.  This sign used to say something about the kitchen and what-not, but I had sanded the paper off a long time ago and never figured out what to do with it.  Well, it's amazing what some paint, scrapbook paper, and Mod Podge will do.  I even tried my hand at six pointed stars, you can get really creative with those!

 I love crafting for my home, it helps me de-stress and we've had too much of that lately.  Happy decorating!

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